X-Men

Clunk, Bonk, Doink... Score?

Missing virtually any shot on X-Men pinball provides a similar experience to the epic cinematic turd "X-Men Origins: Wolverine": it's pointless, and it takes goddamn forever.

With every miss, the ball thuds across the playfield listlessly, all momentum draining from the player's body. Eventually the silver orb might ricochet off the Gambit bumper for the thousandth time, or meander into the left-side mini-flipper zone to be frantically juggled around for a while. Playing this game poorly for an extended period brings one closer to mistakenly believing that the Marvel Universe's bigot mutant-haters might have a point.

And YET. This pinball game is so innovative, clever, and creative. For good or ill, it's like nothing else out there.

Chaining shots together in swooping, looping curls is as exhilarating as Angel spreading his glorious wings in flight. The playmode mini-games all somehow feel distinct from one another despite utilizing mostly the same formula. Blowing up the Sentinel facility feels like a real step forward for Mutant-kind, while chasing green arrows and kicking Toad's ass might be the most satisfying accomplishment in the game.

If the ramps prove too challenging in the moment, the giant Sentinel head in the middle provides a remedial target. Bashing it repeatedly in the face while it narrates and incentivises its own gradual demise supplies necessary confidence-building.

"ARMOR LEVEL: CRITICAL!!" heh heh, thanks for the update, you big metal IDIOT.

Hit enough shots, and the game goes dark, propelling you to a dark future that again in some way feels totally different from the game you were just playing. X-Men does a masterful job of providing tonal vibe-shifts that keep everything fresh.

X-Men pinball is so creative, one might almost forgive it its clunkiness.

But the flaws are real. When the ball drops to the left flipper, it bounces, rendering the dust-caked right-hand Cerebro ramp extremely difficult to hit. Same with completing the important "Fastball Special" two-shot combination; missing the GIANT Sentinel head engenders the purest player anguish.

The IP saves it. If the game was called "Montezuma's Revenge" with a big Tiki head in the middle instead of a giant robot, it might have lumbered into moldy obscurity.

But these are the X-Men, possibly the greatest superhero team every to suit up. As the machine bleats every few seconds: "GAMBIT... is READY!"

So am I. To me, my X-Men.

Four Stars.

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